French  Without  a  Mas- 
ter :  a  Farce  in  One  Act : 
by  Tristan  Bernard: 
Translated  by  Barrett  H. 
Clark 


amuel  French :  Publisher 

18-30  West  Thirty-eighth  Street :  New  York 

PRICE  TWENTY-FIVE  CENTS 


Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 

in  2008  with  funding  from 

IVIicrosoft  Corporation 


http://www.archive.org/details/frenchwithoutmasOObernrich 


THK    WORLD'S    BBST     PLATS 

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BARRETT  H.     CLARK 

QENERAL    EDITOR 


French  Without  a  Mas- 
ter :  a  Farce  in  One  Act : 
by  Tristan  Bernard: 
Translated  by  Barrett  H. 
Clark 


Samuel  French :  Publisher 

28-30  West  Thirty-eighth  Street :  New  York 


OOPTJ  RIGHT,  1915, 

Br  SAMUEr,   FRENCH 


TRISTAN  BERNARD. 

Tristan  Bernard  stands  in  much  the  same  relation 
to  contemporary  French  drama  as  George  Cohan 
does  to  that  of  our  own  country:  in  his  comedies 
the  most  amusing  types  of  the  society  of  the  day 
are  set  forth  with  a  good-humor  and  freshness 
which  gives  them  an  individual  charm  all  their  own. 
Many  of  his  numerous  plays  are  broad  farces,  but 
there  is  a  philosophical  strain  running  throughout 
which  raises  them  out  of  the  realm  of  the  purely 
theatrical.  In  "  On  nait  esclave  "  ("  Born  Slaves  ") 
and  "Le  Petit  Cafe "("  The  Little  Cafe"),  for 
example,  we  find  a  serious  comment  on  life;  this, 
however,  never  interferes  with  the  joyous  course  of 
the  comedy,  but  rather  forms  a  background. 

One  of  Bernard's  earhest  plays  was  "  L'Anglais 
tel  qu'on  le  parle,"  which  is  here  (necessarily,  on 
account  of  the  fact  that  English  is  used  in  the 
original  text  as  a  foreign  language)  adapted,  for 
the  first  time  in  English.  The  cleverness  of  the 
plot,  the  character  of  the  interpreter,  the  brightness 
of  the  dialogue,  have  caused  the  little  farce  to  be 
retained  in  the  repertory  of  the  Comedie  Frangaise, 
where  it  is  performed  many  times  every  year,  with 
ever-increasing  popularity. 


Chanoine-Malherbe  and  Seraphine  should  speak 
good  French,  or  at  least  some  approximation  which 
shall  sound  fluent  and  easy  to  the  audience. 
Amateurs  are  urged  not  to  over-act:  this  play  is 
one  which  can  easily  be  over-accentuated.  Percy, 
in  particular,  should  behave  throughout  as  a  very 
quiet  and  phlegmatic  person. 

3 


FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER 


PERSONS  REPRESENTED. 

Percy  The  Interpreter 

Jean-Jacques  Chanoine-Malherbe     Seraphine's 

Father 

Gerald  Forsyth A  young  Englishman 

A  Police  Officer 
A  Hotel  Porter 

Mlle.  Seraphine  Chanoine-Malherbe 
The  Cashier    An  Englishwoman  of  about  twenty- 
five  years  of  age 

Scene  : — A  small  London  hotel 

Time  : — The  present. 


n 


FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER 


Scene  : — A  small  office  in  a  hotel.  There  is  a  large 
door  center,  giving  upon  the  hallway.  Down- 
stage and  upstage  to  the  right  are  doors; 
similar  doors  on  the  left.  Half-way  down- 
stage on  the  left  is  the  Cashier's  desk,  with 
inkstands  and  register.  On  the  walls  are 
posters  and  train  schedules.  Half-way  down- 
stage and  a  little  to  left  of  center  is  a  table 
covered  with  magazines,  etc.,  and  a  telephone. 
As  the  curtain  rises,  the  Porter  is  seen  seated 
on  a  small  stool  just  below  the  Cashier's  desk. 
A  moment  later,  enter  Gerald  and  Seraphine, 
each  with  a  valise.  Seraphine  is  typically 
French  and  wears  stylish  clothes  of  the  latest 
cut;  Gerald  is  equally  well  dressed.  He  goes 
to  the  Porter,  lays  down  his  valise,  takes  that 
of  Seraphine  and  places  it  beside  his  own. 

Gerald.    We'd  like  two  rooms,  please. 
Porter.     One  moment,  sir;  I'll  call  the  cashier. 
Gerald.    Is  there  a  telegraph  office  around  here? 
Porter.     Yes,  sir,   it's  just  around  the  corner. 
Shall  I  take  your  message,  sir  ? 
Gerald.    No,  I'll  take  it  myself. 

(The  Porter  goes  out.) 

Seraphine.    Mon  cheri,  je  voudrais  une  chambre 
exposee  an  soleil. 

5 


6    FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER. 

Gerald.    Oui,  oui,  ma  chere. 

Seraphine.  Je  suis  tres  lasse.  Comment  dit- 
on  ?    Tired  ? 

Gerald.  Oui — yes.  Dearest,  you  must  learn  to 
speak  English  all  the  time;  we  don't  want  people 
to  stare  at  us. 

Seraphine.  Oh,  but  I  do  not  know  well  how  the 
English  speaks  itself. 

Gerald.  Nonsense,  you're  getting  along 
splendidly. 

(Enter  Cashier,  upstage  right.) 

Cashier.    How  do  you  do  ?    You'd  like  a  room  ? 

Gerald.    Two,  if  you  please. 

Cashier.  We  have  two  nice  rooms  on  the  second 
floor. 

Gerald.    That's  capital! 

Cashier.  (Turning  the  register  toward  Gerald 
and  handing  him  a  pen)  Just  sign  here,  please. 
That's  right. 

Seraphine.  (Looking  over  Gerald's  shoulder) 
Ah,  tu  es — ! 

Cashier.  Would  you  mind  waiting  a  moment? 
I'll  have  the  rooms  ready  presently.  (She  goes  out, 
upstage,  right) 

Seraphine.  Ah,  Mister  Parkinson!  Mrs. 
Parkinson !    Que  c'est  drole ! 

Gerald.  Certainly;  I  couldn't  give  our  real 
names.  It  would  be  nice  to  put  down  "  Mr.  Gerald 
Forsyth  and  Mile.  Seraphine  Chanoine-Malherbe  " 
— especially  as  you  told  me  yourself  that  your 
father  knew  pf  this  hotel,  and  might  come  here 
and  find  us — nous  surprendre  ici. 

Seraphine.  It  is  a  wicked  thing,  this  that  we 
have  done.  I  know  too,  my  father,  he  remember 
this  hotel,  well.  He  know  the  name :  Hotel  Gains- 
borough: he  has  been  here  before.  Ecoute-moi 
bien — listen  me — to  me,  dear.  I  think  I  have  seen 
his  gray  hat. 


FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER. 


/ 


Gerald.  But  there  are  hundreds  of  gray  hats  in 
London. 

Seraphine.  But  I  am  sure  I  have  seen  the — the 
— paternal  hat. 

Gerald.     Nonsense,  my  dear! 

Seraphine.    Ah,  mon  cheri! 

Gerald.  Don't  say  '*  Mon  cheri !  " — say  "  My 
dear." 

Seraphine;  My  dear!  Oh,  I  wish  I  were  safely 
married  to  you.  Oh,  how  wicked  to  run  away  like 
this! 

Gerald.  But  we  had  to !  It  was  the  only  way  to 
make  him  consent. 

Seraphine.  But  if  your — patron?  Employer? 
wouli^ixe  you  an  interest  in  the  business  ? 

Gerald.    Yes  ? 

Seraphine.  Then  Papa  would  have  let  me  be 
married  with — to  you? 

Gerald.  Yes,  dear,  I  know.  My  employer,  how- 
ever, doesn't  see  it  in  that  light.  Wait  three  months, 
he  says,  and  then  we'll  see.  Well,  if  your  Papa 
refused,  we  had  to  do  this.    And  here  we  are. 

Seraphine.  You  are  right,  dear;  you  always 
are. 

Gerald.  And  our  elopement  is  at  the  expense  of 
the  company. 

Seraphine.    Bad,  bad  boy! 

Gerald.  And  now  I  must  leave  you  for  a  few 
minutes.    I  must  send  a  telegram  to  the  chief. 

Seraphine.  And  you  will  leave  me  all  alone? 
What  if  I  woufd  wish  for  anything? 

Gerald.    Well,  you  can  speak  English. 

(Enter  the  Cashier.) 

Seraphine.  No,  no — or  only  with  those  who 
also  speak  the  French.    I'm  so  afraid! 

Gerald.  But,  there  must  be  an  interpreter  here — 
(To  the  Cashier)    Isn't  there? 


8         FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER. 

Cashier.  Of  course.  He  should  be  here  in  a 
moment.     Meantime,  the  rooms  are  ready. 

Gerald.  {To  Seraphine)  I'll  take  you  up, 
and  then  run  to  the  office. 

(The^  go  out,  upstage  right.) 

Cashier.  (To  the  Porter,  who  enters,  center) 
Why  hasn't  our  interpreter  come  yet? 

Porter.  Oh,  Graham?  He's  sick,  but  he's  sent 
another  fellow  in  his  place.  He's  out  in  the  hall 
now. 

Cashier.  Tell  him  to  come  in.  (The  Porter 
goes  out  at  the  back,  and  beckons  to  someone  in  the 
hall.  A  moment  later  enter  Percy,  a  respectable 
tramp.  His  clothes  are  well-worn,  but  not  ragged, 
and  they  fit  him  rather  tightly, — his  trousers  also  are 
too  short.  He  has  not  had  a  shave  for  some  time. 
He  tips  his  hat — an  old  "  derby  " — timidly,  then 
walks  slowly  to  the  center  of  the  stage,  looking 
about  uneasily.  The  Cashier  addresses  him  some- 
what sharply)  So  you  have  come  to  take  Mr. 
Graham's  place?  (Percy  nods)  You  have  been 
told  the  conditions,  I  believe;  six  shillings  a  day. 
Now  understand,  we  want  a  good  interpreter, 
serious  and  attentive  to  business.  All  you  have  to 
do  is  wait  here  until  any  foreigners  come,  and  then 
help  them.  Understand?  (Percy  again  nods) 
Good.     (The  Cashier  goes  out,  up-stage  left) 

Percy.  (To  the  Porter,  after  a  short  pause) 
Many  foreigners  come  here? 

Porter.  Oh,  I  don't  know!  Few  French  now 
and  then;  depends  on  the  season. 

Percy.  (A  little  disturbed)  Oh — many  for- 
eigners just  now? 

Porter.     Not  so  many. 

Percy.  (A  little  more  at  ease)  Do  you  think 
any'll  come  to-day? 

Porter.     Can't  say — Here,  take  your  cap.     (He 


FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER.         9 

hands  Percy  a  cap  with  the  words  "  INTER- 
PRETE"  written  on  the  front.  The  Porter  then 
goes  out  at  the  back) 

Percy.     {Hat  in  hand,  as  he  reads  the  inscrip- 

tion)      In-ter-preet.      {Puts   on   the   cap)      Good! 

Hope  them  blarsted  frog-eaters  keep  away.     Don't 

know   a   single   word   of   French,   er   German,   er 

I-talian,  er  Spanish,  er  any  of  them  dialects.    Good 

I  thing  for  an  interpreter!     But  Fm  no  millionaire, 

€t^ ^r"  aiicf TEem  six  shillin's!     Hm!     But  I  mightily  fear 

*    conversation  may  languish  if  I  meet  any  o'  them 

foreigners. 

{Re-enter  the  Cashier.) 

Cashier.  I  forgot  to  ask  you  something  a 
moment  ago:  you  know  there  are  a  great  many 
interpreters  who  know  all  the  languages  of  Europe 
and  don't  know  their  mother  tongue.  You  speak 
English  well,  don't  you? 

Percy.    Perfectly,  Madam. 

Cashier.  Good.  I  wanted  to  be  quite  sure,  you 
know.  You  didn't  speak  when  I  was  talking  to 
you. 

Percy.  Ye  can  rest  quiet  on  that  point,  Ma'am. 
I  speaks  English  admi-rably. 

Cashier.  We  haven't  many  French  people  at 
this  season.  {The  telephone  bell  rings.  The 
Cashier  runs  to  the  table,  center,  and  takes  off  the 
receiver.  A  moment  later  she  lays  it  on  the  table) 
It's  from  Paris.  (Percy,  7vho  is  comfortably  lean- 
ing against  the  Cashier's  desk,  does  not  move  a 
hair.  The  Cashier  goes  to  him)  Someone's  tele- 
phoning from  Paris.  It's  in  French!  Are  you 
deaf?    Go  to  the  telephone! 

Percy.  {Advancing  slowly  to  the  table,  and 
picking  up  the  receiver)  Hello?  (Lays  the  re- 
ceiver down,  and  faces  the  audience  in  despair) 
That's  it;  they're  French.      {Again  listening,  and 


10   FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER. 

again  laying  down  the  receiver)  Don't  under- 
stand a  word!  {Speaking  into  the  transmitter) 
Oui,  oui,  oui.     {He  is  at  his  wits'  end) 

Cashier.    What  do  they  say? 

Percy.  What  do  they  say?  Oh,  nothing  very 
important. 

Cashier.  People  don't  telephone  from  Paris  to 
say  nothing  very  important ! 

Percy.  (Again  speaking  into  the  telephone) 
Oui,  oui. — Yes,  they're  French,  no  doubt  about  it. 
They — they  want  some  rooms,  and  so  I  said  "  Oui, 
oui." 

Cashier.  Well,  is  that  all  they  say?  When? 
How  much  do  they  want  to  pay?  Ask  them,  ask 
them! 

Percy.     (Hesitating)     They  want — four  rooms. 

Cashier.    When? 

Percy    For — er — next  Thursday. 

Cashier.    What  kind  of  rooms? 

Percy.    On  the  second  floor. 

Cashier.  Tell  them  we  have  only  two  on  that 
floor  at  present,  but  another  will  be  vacant  the  day 
they  arrive — on  the  fifteenth.  Or  else  we  could  let 
them  have  two  first-rate  rooms  on  the  third  floor, 
if  they  like. 

Percy.    Do  you  want  me  to  tell  them  that? 

Cashier.  Yes,  and  hurry.  (Percy  hesitates) 
What  are  you  waiting  for? 

Percy.  (Dumbfounded)  Eh? — er — (Listening 
at  the  telephone)  Sonfrancaispolljyvoogrllgt>n — 
Oh!  (He  hangs  up  the  receiver)  Whew,  that's 
over  with,  thank  Heaven! 

Cashier.  ,They  must  be  rich — You  know  it  costs 
ten  shillings  ^very  three  minutes  to  telephone  from 
Paris. 

Percy.  Ten  bob  for  three  minutes?  What's 
that  come  to  by  the  hour? 

Cashier.    Ten  pounds. 

Percy.    Ten — ?! 


M^ 


French  without  a  master,     n 

(Enter  Chanoine-Malherbe,  center.) 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  C'est  ici  THotel  Gains- 
borough ? 

Percy.  Oui,  oui.  (He  slowly  turns  round  his 
hat,  hiding  the  zvord  INTERPRETE) 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  Ya-t-il  ici  un  jeune 
monsieur  et  une  jeune  demoiselle? 

Percy.  Oui,  oui.  (He  retreats  toward  the  lower 
left  door,  and  disappears) 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  Qu'est-ce  qu'il  y  a?  Ou 
est  I'interprete  ? 

Cashier.    What  do  you  wish? 

Chanoine-Malhebre.  Bonjour,  Madame  M. 
Forsyth,  est-il  ici? 

Cashier.    Forsyth? 

Chanoine-Malherbe.    Oui,  Forsyth. 

Cashier.  No,  there's  no  one  registered  here  with 
that  name.    No! 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  Voyons,  un  jeune 
homme  et  une  jeune  demoiselle? 

Cashier.     I   can't  understand  a  word  you  are 
saying.     Interpreter!     (Enter  the  Porter)     Have 
you  seen  the  interpreter? 
•  I  Porter.    He  was  here  a  moment  ago. 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  (Taking  a  pocket-dic- 
tionary from  his  valise)  Commissaire,  police — 
here ! 

Porter.    Wot's  'e  saying? 

Cashier.  I  think  he  wants  to  see  a  police  officer. 
(Pointing)     Just  around  the  corner. 

Chanoine-Malherbe.    Non, — here! 

Cashier.    He  wants  to  see  the  officer  here. 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  Oui,  oui — here.  (Gives 
the  Porter  a  coin) 

Porter.    Thank  you,  sir.     (Aside)     Ten  bob! 

Cashier.  (To  Porter)  Run  around  to  the 
station  and  get  an  officer — then  the  Frenchman  can 
tell  him  what  he  wants. 


12       FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER. 

Porter.    But  *e  don't  know  no  English. 
Cashier.     We  have  an  interpreter,  haven't  we? 
Run,  now. 

(The   Porter  starts   to  go,   but  stops  when   the 
Frenchman  says  to  him:) 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  Je  voudrais  une  chambre. 

Cashier.  Chambre?  Chambre?  Oh,  I  know 
what  that  means:  you  want  a  room.  Very  well, 
we'll  give  you  a  "chambre."  (To  the  Porter) 
Here,  take  this  gentleman  to  number  seventeen. 
(She  gives  the  Porter  a  key) 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  (To  Porter)  Prenez 
done  ma  valise. 

Porter.    Yes,  sir. 

Chanoine-Malherbe.     Saprelotte,  ma  valise! 

r Porter.    Certainly,  sir. 
Chanoine-Malherbe.     (Pointing  to  the  valise) 
La  voila,  sot! 
Porter.     (Taking  the  valise)     Oh,  'is  bag! 

(The  Porter  and  Chanoine-Malherbe  go   out, 
up-stage  left.) 

Cashier.  Where  is  that  interpreter?  (Goes  out, 
up-stage  left) 

(Enter  Gerald  and  Seraphine)  up-stage  right.) 

Seraphine.  Then  you  must  go?  You  will  not 
stay  longer? 

Gerald.  Only  to  the  telegraph  office.  Fll  be 
back  at  once. 

Seraphine.  Oh,  I  am  so  afraid.  I  thought  I 
heard  the  voice  of  Papa. 

Gerald.     Imagination. — I'll  be  back  in  no  time. 

Seraphine.    Good-bye,  cheri.  ^ 

Gerald.    Say  "  Dearest ! " 


FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER.   13 

Seraphine.  Dearest!  (Serapuine  goes  out  up^ 
stage  right/  Gerald  center) 

(Re-enter  Percy,  on  tip-toe.) 

Percy.  Nobody  here!  Half-past  ten,  and  this 
has  got  to  last  till  midnight.  (He  goes  up-stage 
and  examines  the  train-schedules)  No  train  from 
Paris  till  seven.  Nine  hours  of  peace  and  quiet. 
(He  sits  down  on  the  stool  by  the  desk  and  takes  a 
cigar  from  his  pocket) 

{^Re-enter  Cashier.) 

Cashier.  Interpreter,  where  have  you  been  all 
this  time? 

Percy.     All  what  time? 

Cashier.    I  told  you  to  stay  here. 

Percy.  Well,  I — I — I  just  stepped  out — ^because 
— I  heard  someone  crying  for  help — in  Spanish ! 

Cashier.  You  stepped  out  so  quickly  that  you 
turned  your  hat  all  the  way  around! 

Percy.    Yes — ^yes. 

Cashier.  Well,  are  you  going  to  fix  it?  (Percy 
does  so)  Sit  down.  {Percy  sits  down)  Now  stay 
right  here.  There's  a  Frenchman  here  who  doesn't 
understand  a  word  of  English.  He  has  sent  for  a 
police  officer.    I  don't  know  what  he  wants. 

Percy.    Neither  do  I. 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  {Outside)  Apportez- 
moi  du  vin.    Gargon,  gargon  I 

Percy.    Listen  to  it !    Whew ! 

{Enter  Chanoine-Malherbe,  down-stage  left,  at 
the  moment  when  the  Officer  appears  in  the 
door  center.) 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  Ce  commissaire — ? 
Ah! 


14       FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER. 

Officer.  Well,  what  is  it  ?  Is  this  the  gentleman 
who  wanted  me?  Why  couldn't  you  have  called  at 
the  station  yourself? 

Chanoine-Malherbe.    Oui. 

Officer.  No  "Oui"  about  it.  That's  the  way 
we  do  things  in  our  country. 

Chanoine-Malherbe.    Oui. 

Officer.  I  can  see  you're  a  foreigner,  only  next 
time  you'll  know  what  to  do. 

Chanoine-Malherbe.    Oui. 

Cashier.  He  doesn't  understand  a  word  of 
English. 

Officer.  And  I  don't  understand  a  word  of 
French.    We'll  get  on  fine  together ! 

Cashier.  (To  Percy,  zvho  has  been  trying  to 
escape)    Interpreter! 

Percy.     (Coming  down-stage)     Ye-es? 

Officer.    (To  Percy)    Find  out  what  he  wants? 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  (To  Harry)  Ah,  M. 
rinterprete ! 

Percy.    Oui,  oui. 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  Dites-lui  que  je  me 
nomme  Jean- Jacques  Chanoine-Malherbe,  que  je 
viens  de  Paris  pour  trouver  ma  fille  qui  s'en  est 
allee  de  chez  moi  avec  un  jeune  homme,  et 

Officer.    What's  he  say? 

Percy.  It's  a  long  story.  Very  complicated — 
hm — this  gentleman  before  you  is  a — Frenchman. 

Officer.    I  know  that! 

Percy.  He  came  to  London — just — just  as 
Frenchmen  do  come  to  London. 

Officer.    But  why  does  he  need  an  officer? 

Percy.    Wait,  wait,  I  must  have  time  to  translate. 

Chanoine-Malherbe.     Dites-lui  que- — 

Percy.  Exactly.  (To  the  Officer)  Do  you 
want  to  know  why  this  Frenchman  wants  an  officer  ? 
Well — he's  been  robbed.  A  pocket-book.  Now  this 
gentleman  got  off— got  off — the  express 

Chanoine-Malherbe.     Dites-lui 


FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER.   15 

Percy.  Wait!  {To  Officer)  Got  off  the  ex- 
press at  Victoria,  when  a  mysterious-looking  in- 
dividual came  up — and  took  his  pocket-book. 

Chanoine-Malherbe.    Tres  bien ! 

Percy.  Oui,  oui.  (He  tries  to  get  away  again, 
ivhen  Chanoine-Malherbe  takes  out  his  pocket- 
hook) 

Officer.    He's  got  two  pocket-books! 

Percy.  Didn't  you  know  that?  All  Frenchmen 
have  two  pocket-books. 

Chanoine-Malherbe.     Voici  sa  photographic. 

Officer.    The  thief's  photograph?! 

Chanoine-Malherbe.    Oui,  oui. 

Officer.  These  Frenchmen!  How  did  he  get 
the  thief's  picture?  , 

Percy.  I  forgot  to  tell  you,  but  the  man  who 
stole  the  pocket-book  was  an  old  acquaintance. 

Officer.    What  name?    Ask  him. 

Percy.  The  name?  Hm — Why  his  name  is — er 
— Gaston — — 

Officer.    How  do  you  spell  it? 
/'^'"'^Percy.     Why  do  you   want  me  to   spell  it? — 
G-e-s-t-n-n 

Officer.    How  do  you  pronounce  it? 

Percy.  Gas-ton.  {Emphasis  on  the  first  syl- 
lable) 

Officer.    Very  good.    I'll  start  an  investigation. 

Percy.  Yes,  you'd  better  go  at  once.  Besides, 
this  gentleman  is  rather  tired. 

Officer.  Good-morning,  sir.  {He  goes  out, 
center) 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  Qu-est-ce  qu'il  a  dit? — 
Qu'est-ce  qu'il  a  dit? 

Percy.    Oui,  oui. 

Chanoine-Malherbe.     Oui,  oui,  oui — ^la  paix! 

Cashier.     What's  he  saying? 

Percy.     Nothing  at  all. 

Cashier.  He  seems  to  be  disturbed  about  some- 
thing. 


i6  ,     FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER. 

Pe^cy.  We  shouldn't  bother  him.  He  says  to 
let  him  alone. 

Chanoine-Malherbe.    Quel  mauvais  interprete! 

Cashier.     Now  what's  he  saying? 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  {Looking  at  his  dic- 
tionary)    Ig-no-rant  In-ter-pre-ter ! 

Cashier.  He  means  "  ignorant."  You  are  an 
ignorant  interpreter!     But  I  thought 

Percy.    No,  no,  no — Ig-no-rant  in  French  means 

Oh,  if  you  only  knew  what  that  meant ! 

"^anoine-Malherbe.  (To  Cashier  as  he  goes 
out,  center)  Oh,  la,  la!  Un  pareil  hotel,  et  un 
pareil  interprete! 

Cashier.     He  is  disturbed,  isn't  he? 

Percy.  Not  at  all,  he's  charmed.  That's  the  way 
with  the  French. 

Cashier.  Wait  a  moment.  Stay  here  while  I'm 
gone.     (She  goes  out,  up-stage  right) 

(Enter  Seraphine  up-stage  right.) 

Seraphine.    M.  rinterprete ! 

Percy.  (Pretending  to  have  a  sore  throat)  Sore 
throat — can't  talk. 

Seraphine.    Ah,  then  you  cannot  speak? 

Percy.  (Forgetting  about  his  throat)  Oh,  you 
can  speak  English !    Why  didn't  you  say  so  at  first  ? 

Seraphine.  Now  you  can  speak.  Eh  bien, 
parlez 

Percy.  (Coughs)  Not  at  all  well.  It's  a  little 
better.    Don't  mention  it. 

Seraphine.  Ya-t-il  un  bureau  de  telegraphes 
prcs  d'ici? 

Percy.  What's  the  good  of  talking  Frcncli  when 
you  can  speak  English  so  well?  That's  no  way  to 
learn  a  language. 

Seraphine.     I  cannot  speak  well  the  English. 

Percy.  All  the  more  reason  why  you  shouldn't 
speak  French.  I  warn  you,  I  refuse  to  answer  when 
you  speak  French. 


FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER.       17 

Seraphine.  All  right.  I  tell  you— {She  catches 
sight  of  her  father's  hat  on  the  table)     Oh! 

Percy.    What's  the  matter? 

Seraphine.    Who  is  that  gray  hat? 

Percy.    A  Frenchman  left  it  here  a  moment  ago. 

Seraphine.  (Examining  the  hat)  Oh,  c'est  le 
chapeau  de  mon  pere! 

Percy.     Certainly. 

Seraphine.    I'm  going  to  my  room. 

Percy.    That's  a  good  idea. 

(Seraphine    goes    out,    up-stage    right.      Enter 
Gerald,  center.) 

Gerald.     Interprete.  ^ 

Percy.  This  is  getting  a  bit  too  warm  for  me! 
{He  turns  to  Gerald  with  an  air  of  defiance)  You 
frog-eating  beggar 

Gerald.  Frog-eater  yourself,  you  blasted  bloke 
from  Clerkenwall 

Percy.  {Effusively,  to  Gerald  as  he  hastens  to 
shake  hands  with  him)  Ah,  you  speak  English! 
You  knov/  I'm  a  little  shaky  on  my  French,  though 
of  course  I  know  German,  Russian,  Chinese, 
Turkish,  Spanish 

Gerald.    You  know  Spanish? — Que  hora  son? 

Percy.     {Laughs)     Well,  I  was  saying 

Gerald.  But  I  asked  you  a  question.  Que  hora 
son?    Well? 

Percy.    Do  you  want  an  immediate  answer? 

Gerald.  How  long  does  it  take  you  to  let  me 
know  what  time  it  is? 

Percy.  Oh,  it's  eleven  o'clock — that's  easy. 
Listen  to  me :  I  have  a  favor  to  ask  you.  There's 
a  Frenchman  here  and  I  don't  understand  his 
dialect. 

Gerald.    Where  is  he? 

Percy.  We'll  find  him.  Very  good  of  you  to 
help  me.     He  must  be  in  the  smoking-room  now. 


i8       FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER. 

Here's  my  cap.  {He  places  his  cap  on  Gerald's 
head)  Mister!  {He  calls  out  through  the  door 
down-stage  right)    Mister! 

Gerald.    Say  "  Monsieur." 

Percy.  Mushir,  mushir.  {To  Gerald)  I  want 
to  tell  him  that  there's  a  good  interpreter  here. 

Gerald.    "  Un  bon  interprete." 

Percy.  Bone  interpreet.  Mushir,  bone  inter- 
preet. 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  {Outside)  Un  bon 
interprete?  Bien!  {Enter  Chanoine-Malherbe, 
down-stage  right.  Gerald  recognizes  Seraphine's 
father  and  pulls  his  hat  over  his  eyes)  Ah,  celui- 
ci?  Je  voudrais  qu'on  me  serve  mon  dejeuner  tout 
de  suite.  (Gerald  makes  his  escape)  Hein? 
Quoi? 

Percy.    He's  the  one,  not  me!    Good-bye. 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  Seigneur!  {He  goes 
out,  down-stage  right) 

{  There  come  sounds  of  a  scuffle  out  in  the  hallway. 
Enter  Officer  followed  by  another  officer  who 
holds  Gerald  tight  by  the  collar.) 

Officer.  Here's  your  thief.  Just  as  I  was  walk- 
ing past  I  saw  him,  and  the  minute  I  looked  into  his 
face  I  recognized  him  from  the  photograph.  Bring 
the  Frenchman  here.  We'll  show  these  foreigners 
what  Scotland  Yard  can  do !  And  come  back  your- 
self, we'll  need  you  later. 

(Percy  goes  out,  upstage  right.) 

Gerald.  What  do  you  mean  by  this?  What's 
the  charge?  You'll  hear  from  this!  Do  you  know 
I'm  related  to 

Officer.  Just  keep  calm,  young  fellow.  {He 
refers  to  his  note-book)    Your  name  is  Gas-tnnn — 

{Enter  Seraphine^  up-stage  right.) 


FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER.   19 

Seraphine.    Oh,  dearest,  dearest! 

Officer.  Arrest  that  woman,  she's  an  accom- 
plice. 

Seraphine.  (As  the  other  officer  takes  her  by 
the  arm)    Qu'y-a-t-il? 

Gerald.  You  were  right  this  morning.  There's 
the  gray  hat! 

Officer.  Silence!  No  communication  between 
the  prisoners!  They  may  be  part  of  a  dangerous 
band. 

(Enter  Chanoine-Malherbe,  down-stage  right.) 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  Ma  fille,  ma  fille!  (To 
the  Officer)  Mon  ami,  voici  la  demoiselle  dont 
je  vous  ai  parle  tout  a  Theure,  et 

Officer.  All  right,  all  right.  But  is  this  the 
man  who  stole  your  pocket-book? 

Chanoine-Malherbe.    Oui. 

Gerald.  Does  he  say  I  stole  his  pocket-book? 
(To  Chanoine-Malherbe)  Vous  lui  avez  dit  que 
j'ai  vole  votre  portef euille  ? 

Chanoine-Malherbe.    Jamais  de  la  vie! 

Gerald.  You  see,  he  says  he  never  said  anything 
of  the  sort. 

Officer.  I  don't  understand  French.  Come  on 
to  the  station. 

Gerald.  (To  Chanoine-Malherbe)  Votre 
fille  va  au  commissariat  I 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  Jamais.  (Takes  Sera- 
phine &y  the  arm) 

(Enter  Cashier,  up-stage  right.) 

Cashier.    What  is  the  trouble? 
Seraphine.    But  I  am  his  daughter! 
Officer.    What's  that  to  me? 

(The  telephone  bell  rings.    The  Cashier  takes  the 
receiver  and  says:) 


20       FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER. 

Cashier.      It's   Paris.     They   want   M.    Gerald 

Forsyth.     {Into  the  telephone)    There's  no  one • 

Gerald.    Here  I  am! 
Cashier.     But  your  name  is  Parkinson ! 
Gerald.     It's  also  Forsyth! 
Officer.    And  also  Gas-nnn 

(Gerald  goes  to  the  telephone.') 

Gerald.  Alio!  {Pause)  It's  my  chief  in  Paris 
— oui,  oui.  {Another  pause)  It  seems  he  tele- 
phoned here  a  little  while  ago  and  thought  he  was 
connected  with  a  lunatic  asylum. — Merci,  merci 
bien! — He  is  going  to  give  me  an  interest  in  the 
business. 

Seraphine.  Ah,  Papa,  Papa !  Gerald  va  entrer 
dans  la  Maison ! 

{Enter  Percy.) 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  C'est  vrai?  Alors,  je 
vous  donne  ma  fille!  {He  goes  dozvn-stage.  The 
Officer  starts  to  conduct  the  prisoners  out) 

Officer.    You'll  have  to  come  along  now. 

Percy.  Stop,  Officer!  You  don't  understand. 
The  Frenchman  says  he  has  found  his  pocketbook. 
He  told  me  it  was  all  a  mistake.  {To  Chanoine- 
Malherbe)     Oui,  oui? 

Chanoine-Malherbe.  {Good-naturedly)  Oui, 
oui,  mon  ami. 

Percy.     See  there? 

Officer.  Then  there's  nothing  more  to  be  done  ? 
{The  prisoners  are  released)    You're  free! 

CURTAIN. 


THE  WORLD'S   BEST  PLAYS 

By    Celebrated    Eluropean    Authors 


A  NEW  SERIES  OF  AMATEUR  PLAYS   BY  THE  BEST 
AUTHORS,   ANCIENT   AND   MODERN,   ESPECIALLY 
TRANSLATED  WITH  HISTORICAL  NOTES,  SUG- 
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USE    OF    SCHOOLS,    COLLEGES,    AND 
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BARRETT    H.     CLARK 

General    Editer 


ITH  the    immensely    increased  demand  for  new 
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The  Series,  under  the  personal  supervision  of  Mr.  Barrett  H. 
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Plays    Now    Ready 

INDIAN  SUMMER,  a  comedy  in  one  act  by  Mbilhao  and 
HAiiEVY.  This  little  play,  by  two  of  the  most  famous  writers  of 
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ROSAL.IK,  by  Max  Maurby.  A  '*  Grand  Guignol "  comedy  in 
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MODESTY,  by  Paul  Hervibu.  A  delightful  trifle  by  one  of  the 
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THE  ART  OF  BEING  BORED,  (Le  Monde  oh  Von  s'Ennuie),  a 
comedy  in  three  acts  by  Edouard  Paillekon.  Pi-obably  the  best- 
known  and  most  freauently  acted  comedy  of  manners  in  the  realm 
of  nineteenth  century  French  drama.  It  is  replete  with  wit  and 
comic  situations.  For  nearly  forty  years  it  has  held  the  stage, 
while  countless  imitators  have  endeavored  to  reproduce  its  fresh- 
ness and  charm.    Piiioa  25  Cents. 

A  MARRIAGE  PROPOSAL,,  by  Anton  Tchekhoff,  a  comedy 
in  one  act,  by  one  of  the  greatest  of  modern  Russian  writers.  This 
little  farce  is  very  popular  in  Russia,  and  satirizes  the  peasants  of 
that  country  in  an  amusing  manner.    Price  25  Cents. 

THE  GREEN  COAT,  by  AiiFRKD  DE  Musset  and  Emile  Auqibr. 

A  slig-ht  and  comic  character  sketch  of  the  life  of  Bohemian  artists 
In  Paris,  written  by  one  of  France's  greatest  poets  and  one  of  her 
bt^sl -known  dramatists.    Price  25  Cents. 

THE  WAGER,  by  Giukeppe  Giacosa.  This  one  act  poetic 
comedy,  written  by  the  most  celebrated  dramatist  of  modern  Italy, 
was  the  auihor's  first  work.  It  treats  of  a  wager  made  by  a  proud 
young-  pa^'e.  who  risics  his  life  on  the  outcome  of  a  game  of  chess- 
Price  25  Cents. 


THS  LITTLE  SHEPHERDESS,  a  poetic  comedy  In  one  act, 
by  Andre  Rivoibb.  A  charming  pastoral  sketch  by  a  well-known 
French  poet  and  dramatist.  Played  with  success  at  the  Ck>m4die 
Francaise.   Prigs  25  Genxs. 

PHORMIO,  a  Latin  comedy  by  Tebbnob.  An  up-to-date  version 
of  the  famous  comedy.  One  of  the  masterpieces  of  Latin  drama: 
the  story  of  a  f  atlier  who  returns  to  find  that  his  son  has  married 
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comic  complications,  succeeds  in  um-aveling  the  difficulties,  and 
all  ends  happily.    Price  25  Cents. 

THE  TWINS,  a  Latin  farce  by  PiiAUTUS,  upon  which  Shake- 
speare founded  his  Comedy  of  Errors.    Price  25  Cents. 

THE  BOOR,  by  Anton  Tohbkoff.  A  well-known  farce  by  the 
celebrated  Russian  master;  it  is  concerned  with  Russian  peasants, 
and  portrays  with  masterly  skill  the  comic  side  of  country  life. 
Price  25  Gents. 

THE  BLACK  PEAHL,  by  ViOTORiEN  Sabdou.  One  of  Sardou'8 
most  famous  comedies  of  Intrigue.  A  house  has,  It  Is  thought, 
been  robbed.  But  through  skilful  investigation  it  Is  found  that  the 
havoc  wrought  has  been  done  by  lightning.    Pbige  25  Cents. 

CHARMING   LEANDRE,   by  Thbodobb  db  Banvili<b.    The 

author  of  "  Gringoire  "  is  here  seen  in  a  poetic  vein,  yet  the  French- 
man's Innate  sense  of  humor  recalls,  in  this  satirical  little  play,  the 
genius  of  Moliere.    Price  25  Cents. 

THE  POST-SCRIPTUM,  by  Emile  Augibb.  Of  this  one-act 
comedy  Pro'essor  Brander  Matthews  writes:  *'  .  .  .  one 
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language,  and  to  be  warmly  recommended  to  American  readers." 
Pbioe  25  Cents. 

THE  HOUSE  OF  FOURCHAMBAULT,  by  Emilb  Augier. 
One  of  the  greatest  of  recent  French  family  dramas.  Although  the 
play  is  serious  in  tone,  it  contains  touches  which  entitle  it  to  a 
position  among  the  best  comedies  of  manners  of  the  times-  Prioa 
2S  Gents. 


THE  DOCTOR  IN  SPITE  OF  HIMSELF,  by  Molierb.  A 
famous  farce  by  the  greatest  of  French  dramatists.  Sganarelle  has 
to  be  beaten  before  he  will  acknowledge  that  he  is  a  doctor,  which 
he  is  not.  He  then  works  apparently  miraculous  cures.  The  play 
is  a  sharp  satire  on  the  medical  profession  in  the  17th  Century. 
Prirb  25  Cents. 

BRIGNOL.  AND  HIS  DAUGHTER,  by  Capus.  The  first 
comedy  in  English  of  the  most  sprightly  and  satirical  of  present- 
day  French  dramatists-    Price  25  Cents. 

CHOOSING  A  CAREER,  by  G.  A.  DB  Caili^avet.  Written  by 
one  of  the  authors  of  "Love  Watches."  A  farce  of  mistaken 
identity,  full  of  humorous  situations  and  bright  lines.    Prick  26 

Cents. 

FRENCH  WITHOUT  A  MASTER,  by  Tristan  Bernard.  A 
clever  farce  by  one  of  the  most  successful  of  French  dramatists. 
It  is  concerned  with  the  difficulties  of  a  bogus-interpreter  who 
does  not  know  a  word  of  French.    Price  25  Cents. 

PATER  NOSTER,  a  poetic  play  In  one  act,  by  Francois 
OOPPEE.  A  pathetic  incident  of  the  time  of  the  Paris  Commune, 
in  1871.    Price  25  Cents. 


ADDENDA 

CORRECTION »— The  price  of  "  The  House  of  Fourchambault 
and  "  Brignol  and  His  Daughter  "  is  50  cents  a  copy. 


THIS  BOOK  IS  DUE  ON  THE  LAST  DATE 
STAMPED  BELOW 


AN     INITIAL    FINE      OF     25     CENTS 

WILL  BE  ASSESSED  FOR  FAILURE  TO  RETURN 
THIS  BOOK  ON  THE  DATE  DUE.  THE  PENALTY 
WILL  INCREASE  TO  50  CENTS  ON  THE  FOURTH 
DAY  AND  TO  «1.00  ON  THE  SEVENTH  DAY 
OVERDUE. 


SAN    301933 


AUG    2    1939 

f^P^   I    1iM3 
MAR  28   1948 


^¥^ 


lUun'»4BW 


LD  21-50m-8,'32 


"3  0  ^ 

.  -1  1 

b 

UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


